What Hurts the Most
by rosebook
Summary: What was Jacob thinking while he was running after Eclipse? This is a partail continuation to True Imprinting so read that first. Hope you like it. Rated T for safty.


What Hurts the Most

I do not own Twilight (Stephenie Meyer) or the song _What Hurts The Most_ (Rascal Flatts)

This is a partial continuation from _True Imprint_. To understand this more read that first. 

_Run._

I was still trying to run.

I was still trying to forget Isabella Swan.

My axis. My gravity.

She is the one who left me for a bloodsucking leach parasite to _become_ a bloodsucking leach parasite. That's what hurts the most. She chose _him_ instead of _me_. She chose to be dammed to an eternity of darkness instead of flourishing in the light like she deserved. I could not prevent the memories to flow as I remembered a song that represented exactly how I felt.

**I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me**

_ If the silence in my head lasted, I would never go back. I wouldn't be the first one to choose this form over the other. Maybe, if I ran far enough away, I would never have to hear again…_

_ I pushed my legs faster, letting Jacob Black disappear behind me. (629, Eclipse) _

What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away 

_ I watched her walk out of my room with jealous, love burning in my eyes. (604, Eclipse in Jacob's POV)_**  
**

**And never knowing  
What could have been**

"_Can I tell you what the worst part is?" I asked hesitantly when I said nothing. "Do you mind? I _am_ going to be good." _

"_Will it help?"_

"_It might. It couldn't hurt."_

"_What's the worst part, then?"_

"_The worst part is knowing what it would have been."_

"_What it _might_ have been." She sighed. (598-599, Eclipse in Jacob's POV)_

**  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do**

"_I'm in love with you, Bella," I said in a strong, sure voice. "Bella, I love you. And I want you to pick me instead of him. I know you don't feel that way, but I need the truth out there so that you know your options. I wouldn't want a miscommunication to stand in our way." (327, Eclipse in Jacob's POV) _

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken 

_ I did imprint on her. I was very careful on my thoughts on the mind-reading leach, so he won't be able to tell her if it was a lie if I did lie.__(1, True Imprinting)__**  
**_**  
What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do**

_ I snorted quietly. "Well, you've been much more honest than I had any right to expect… Edward. Thanks for letting me in your head."_

"_As I said, I'm feeling oddly grateful for your presence in her life tonight. It was the least I could do… you know, Jacob, if it weren't for the fact that we're natural enemies and that you're also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you."_

"_Maybe… if you weren't a disgusting vampire who was planning to suck out the life of the girl I love… well, no, not even then." (503, Eclipse in Jacob's POV)_

What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do 

_(Leah talking to Jacob)_

"_This is making me sick. Jacob. Can you imagine what this feels like to _me_? I don't even _like_ Bella Swan. And you've got me grieving over this leech-lover like I'm in love with her, too. Can you see where that might be a little confusing? I dreamed about kissing her last night! What the hell am I supposed to do with _that_?" (622-623, Eclipse) _

Not seeing that loving you  
That's what I was trying to do

------------------------------------------------------------------- 

**A/N: hope you like it. Yes I know I should be continuing to write Pictures are Worth a Thousand Words but I am on it. I am already writing chapter 5 and I got my new computer screen. : - ). So if I decide I am not too tired tonight I will type out chapters 3 and 4 and finish 5. If not, it is school vacation week and I am off duty. Expect a few extra chapters this week. **


End file.
